


warped tour

by The_Resurrection_3D



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: 3 Sentence Ficathon, 3 Sentence Fiction, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Experimental Style, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Post-Apocalypse, Prompt Fill, Sexual Humor, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-21 18:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17048567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Resurrection_3D/pseuds/The_Resurrection_3D
Summary: Dreamwidth doesn't have any Eddsworld presence so I've declared the 3-Sentence Fic-A-Thon free real estate.First prompt: Tordtryck,there was a hidden message in their miserable Christmas presents





	1. 1-7

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished with finals, so I decided to do some more experimental ficlets to blow off steam. The links to each thread should be in the title of each fill.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Tordryck  
> 2\. TomMatt  
> 3\. College AU  
> 4\. Eduardo  
> 5\. uhhhh sad  
> 6\. Tomatoredd and Scribble Tom  
> 7\. Future Edd and Red Leader

_[ i. there was a hidden message in their miserable Christmas presents](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=4736062#cmt4736062) _

 

 _Isn’t Patryck Jewish ?_ They always ask, and Tord has to laugh and ask _So?_ as he thinks of the little Christmas tree sitting on their mantle by the Hanukkiah if the two overlap, lonely Charlie Brown if they don’t. 

_It’s strictly cultural,_ Patryck will always say without eye contact, ugly blue and white sweater blinking, their bookstore covered with stars and other obnoxious decorum, the only sign of green that cola boy and the only red his husband, ducking in and out of the store for the basement, hushed meetings and muddy boots and hands stuffed in trench coat pockets, and while Patryck runs the cash register and Paul fiddles with inventory and pipes Tord will drop them off small foil-wrapped boxes and Patryck will have to take a minute or two to brace himself before lifting up the tape —

 

Plant lesbian tentacle hentai, the true equalizer.

 

_[ ii. it's not gay if it's for a ritual](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=4785470#cmt4785470) _

“And then we take our — HOO boy, I dunno about this one, Matt.”

 

Matt gently pats Tom on the head, reassuring him that it’s not gay if it’s for a life-giving ritual.

 

Tom takes a long moment to look over the shambling, bone-white corpse coming onto him and wonders if zombiefication doesn’t just boil down to a new coat of paint.

 

 

_[ iii. library ](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=4789566#cmt4789566) _

Tord doesn’t know how it happens — shit English, quiet as shit speaking voice, creepy as shit presence with his trench coat and silent demeanor (which wasn’t helped by the time he’d asked why ppl were whispering 'Columbiner').

 

The one in purple and black recognizes him from English while they’re waiting in line for burgers, though, takes Tord under his arm, _Call me Matt — Edd, Tom, this is Todd from English,_ and Tord can hardly smile and give a little wave without passing out, much less find the words to correct him.

 

The one in the Nirvana shirt smiles and the one with no eyes nods, they sneak into the library with their arms full of grease and carbonation and hole up in one of the group study rooms, Nightmare Before Christmas and a queue of shitty horror movies on the big screen and Tord the farthest-away point of this misshapen trapezoid and still barely speaking except for when spoken to but they smile at him and — this, this is where it starts.

 

_[ iv. strange and distant music ](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=5225534#cmt5225534) _

Eduardo insulates his room in statues and first place ribbons. Only some of them are store-bought, shut up, it’s not that funny. They pay for themselves, anyway, anytime he needs to throw something around or rip something up and plug his ears, as from the neighbors’ house comes constant that strange and distant music.

 

_[v. forgotten things ](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=5227582#cmt5227582)_ 

  * Ashes in a shoe-box labeled with a gray cat's picture, emptied out and tossed. 
  * A handheld mirror cracked, giving the viewer millions of dirty eyes like an angel.
  *  A checkerboard guitar with a broken neck, the strings taken for scrap and the body thrown in the river.



_[vi. culture shock ](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=4825918#cmt4825918) _

 

They have to hold Scribble to their chest so that he doesn’t tear the whole place apart — two voices in goading laughter / I’m not paying for it / oh, let him have his — HE FUCKING BIT ME / ME / US.

 

Scribbles’ already raced off into the sea of lights and overpriced plastic, dozens of normal eyes shifting onto them — flick em off / yeah I’m with Tom / cola / fuck Christmas / mirrors / porn / I hope he hasn’t messed up my —- wordswordsthoughtscrisscrossingtooloud people staring make them —

 

“Anything you wanna fucking say?” four voices ask, to which no one replies.

 

 

[ _vii. take my arm, break it in half_ ](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=5520446#cmt5520446)

  * Edd first tries to break the prosthesis without realizing that it’s _waaayyy_ harder than it looks.
  * A second time without realizing that there are schools of martial arts entirely for amputees.
  * A third without being ready to see how bruised it is, octopus hickeys purple and black, without realizing how little time it would take the Tord-Not-Tord to grab him and — _“Now we’re even.”_



 

 


	2. 8-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shameless copy and then literally just the Rejects

_viii. take my arm, break it in half (redux)_

  * Most of a modern automated prosthetic is metal, with only the minimum room necessary for the stump.
  * The 2012 Xtreme Fighting Lightweight Champion was a mixed martial artist born without arms; he described learning how to wrestle in high school as “the most difficult thing I’d ever done in my life.”
  * Many prosthetic sockets leave deep bruising on the stump if worn for too long, which Edd is so distracted by he has no time to react before Tord grabs him and breaks his arm in half.



 

_[ix. storm](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=5566014#cmt5566014) _

The light always goes out during a storm.

He could be lying to us / Tom, why would he lie about that / Wait what if he’s making the power go out just to torture us / Matt, stop / No he’s onto something / BOTH of you stop / BOTH of US? / Hey guys / Yes, BOTH of YOU / We’re the same person / Oh god what if he’s trying to make us go crazy / Hey guys - / No, we’re like if Frankenstein was made up of a bunch of annoying dumb asses instead of just corpses / What if he put drugs in our food and lights aren’t even off right now / You know that includes you, right / Uhh guys -- / No, Tom, I didn’t know that, thank you for your truly enlightening commentary / what if the drugs start making us think we’ve got bugs in our eyes / holy shit GUYS / I’M TOO PRETTY TO BE FULLY EYELESS / You know patronizing me isn’t an argument / WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP!

Only then can they hear the soft crying of Scribble, curled up against their side.

 

[x. goblin runes and fireworks](https://rthstewart.dreamwidth.org/139838.html?thread=5391934#cmt5391934)

Their first night out, the sky is afire.

Scribble clings trembling to their leg, Realistic their other, and Torm their arm – only the jacket sleeve, though, only a pinch.  

After a full minute’s worth of debate, Tomatoredd walks everyone down to the end of the driveway (the two anchors still on them), debates another minute before taking a vote of pointer fingers in a preferred direction, and then off they go, following the strange runes on the roadside and the bursts of colorful fire in the sky.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wrote about 3.7k critiquing my own work, mostly focusing on these little ficlets (you can go back and see some of the edits I've made if you want to). Honestly the critiques are more interesting than any of these but it just be that way, sometimes. 
> 
> But since it sparked really productive discussion for me, I decided to write a little more. The first one is, yes, a shameless revision of #7, more in the style of [ "Monsters" by Dianna Calareso. ](http://www.quarteraftereight.org/toc.html#monsters) It's short and experimental creative nonfiction, and you should totally read it. But I didn't go back and edit 7 because I think both versions have something to offer. 
> 
> Also the first line I made up, but the second is based on some quick googling, which brought me to the wiki page of [Nick Newell.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Newell#Championships_and_accomplishments) You learn something new every day.

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, all feedback is appreciated <3
> 
> May do more of these, we'll see.


End file.
